Hello Frenchieface46: I see this is your first post... so... welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support, as well as to obtain mental health related information. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here.

I'm going to presume, here, that your son is well into his adulthood; since you wrote that he has been in therapy over many years. Perhaps the "46" in your username is your birth year? (Mine is 48.) Ultimately, I believe, each one of us must take responsibility for ourselves. And if we will not, or cannot, those around us cannot do it for us. So in the situation you describe, my thinking would be that all you can do is to provide your son with what emotional support you can; while also protecting your own emotional well-being. Let him know that, if & when he is ready to heal, that you will be there for him. As an adult, he has the right to make bad decisions if he so chooses. You cannot save him from himself. I wish you well...