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Originally Posted by Cole'smom
He actually cheated on his first wife because she refused to have sex for over a year. They sought counseling but she would only listen to their Church counselor that couldn't help them. Actually that counselor gave terrible advice.
The hubby did finally have an affair which did end his marriage to his first wife. He later found a new girlfriend, after the divorce. That's when I met his 2nd wife that told me she regretted being with him and wanted to leave him anyway. I never told him about this conversation, even during our affair. But your right, I think bad morals come into play here, along with bad boundaries. He seems pretty open to advice and we try to figure out these things together. I'm always suspicious of my lack of confidence and lack of experience in relationships too. I will search for more information on boundaries, great advice. Thanks so much.
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I don't know how long you have been married to this guy but it seems obvious the chase is exciting to him and that is unlikely to stop, because it seems engrained in his character and because he continues to get payback in the attention of other women and in your negative reaction. Some women can shrug it off as long as he is coming home with them. Me? I wouldn't put up with it; but you can try giving him a few minutes to pretend he is still the young stud and then come over, smile, pat him fondly and say: "Come on lover boy, you've had your playtime, let's dance/get a drink/get something to eat/go speak to our hosts" whatever seems appropriate.
Since you mention your lack of experience in relationships, I can tell you that it's likely that most men who engage in affairs minimize to their lovers how much sex they are still getting from their wives; affairs are not just about sex, although it might seem that way; and most 'bedroom' problems usually start outside the bedroom. Some examples of intimacy killers: not appreciating one's spouse; humiliating one's spouse; putting upon one's spouse; abusing one's spouse; being personally disgusting (stinking, having disgusting personal habits); addiction; hostility and constant argumentativeness; refusing to take part in any other aspect of married life but sex; and insisting on weird stuff
after marriage when the marriage was predicated on not-weird things. And everything I said applies to wives about their hubs, too. Being an inconsiderate louse of a spouse is equal opportunity behavior.
Frankly, it sounds to me like you married a good looking horny teen in an old man's body and now you are seeing that maybe that wasn't such a good idea. You can try counseling and explicitly telling the hubs what you don't intend to put up with. But he's had a lot of years getting away with playing so he's liable to pout now that you want to redraw the contract. Decide what
you are willing to put up with and act accordingly, with a counselor's help if need be.