Well my therapist is trained in DBT, Crisis intervention, specializes in BPD, Self harm, eating disorders etc. So I guess thats what shocked me.

I didnt end up lying to her about it, i told her. She was all like "only once in 2 weeks, good job"

So it was kind of confusing. Now (2 sessions later) She is all no, no, stop all together. Quit alcohol, try to reduce smoking. blah blah blah.

Idk if i can fully blame her i guess. I have not trusted her fully to explain the why, I only know 1/2 of the why. The other half is the disassociating.... thats the part im having a harder time controling....

And Im on disability I cannot afford a private therapist but she is supposed to be the best for alot of different things. Plus she worked at the highschool I went to as a 2nd therapist. Its a bit easier to talk to her, but not completely yet.

I have only survived thus far by the grace of god.