Dear Nicole --

An abused child is never, ever at fault. Ever!

Never, ever asks for it. Never!

The abuser is one of the sickest members of society. Do you know that in prison child predators are outcasts who are severely abused by the other inmates? The crime of child abuse is considered lower than murder by people who are being punished by society for having done awful things themselves.

I hope that you will find a therapist who can talk with you. If writing hasn't helped, the sane responses of a therapist will help you unburden yourself. Sometimes we need to tell our story over and over again, until the hold it has on us is all used up. Just like some days, we have so much energy, we have to work or exercise or do something until it is all used up.

If your abuser told you that you "asked" for it, don't believe it. The abuser is very sick and exploited a child who couldn't defend herself. Not in words and not physically. The abuser wants you to be responsible for the abuser's own terrible crime and inner demons and sickness. Don't you do it! Only the abuser is responsible for what he (or she, I don't know your backstory) did.

Not getting any sleep contributes to distorted thinking. People who are sleep deprived can even hallucinate and see things that are not there.

Dear Nicole, your friends in the forums understand how much you are hurting right now and care very much. Please keep sharing and know that we love you. Hugs, and much peace and blessings.

(((((((((NicoleB)))))))))))