Not once I was acknowledged of my issues because it was different my mom especially treats me like garbage rto make me deny I have problems of any kind. NMy dad doesn't care and my sister is both. My friends don't want me around my jobs are affected by this when I was in school people thought I was angry.

Why do I live in this place where my suffering is grounds for punishment? Why I was wanting to die is due to the fact of how neglected I am emotionally and how my being beaten and raped alot and losing my closest people means nothing. I have to work work work. No time for fun everyone is too busy all the time for you. You don't belong here if you don't act a certain way.

I'm scared of cruelty of others from one mistake if I mess up once they will hurt me experienced or not. Both are the same.... My reality destroyed long ago. My mother instead of trying to understand why I ran in fear and panic from my work. I am convinced if i don't stay I will end my life or die. I see and hear things and I feel people only exist to have me dfie early.

I never felt loved because there was never enough room because how I'm treated poorly to others to me it's normal. If I was starved to death and had no help I'd accept it and let it happen. That's how far I am gone. Like I am not a danger to others and myself. I'm afraid of hospitals all of them. I fear them locking me in a room to hurt me by ripping me apart or having a staff member have his way with me because I'm stuck as a patient a prisoner of me real world and my mind.

Since ever I've not felt safe with or around anyone.