I am blamed it's always I accept responsibility even when it's not because I'm forced to say yes or I'm thrown into a homeless shelter. My mom wants me to leave. I didn't want this to happen period. I don't even want to be here now instead at work, but no one understands mental illness we live in a nation where you are responsible of not being aware of yourself. I can't get the help I need I can't afford it as of now and mental health is diminished and not ever looked as a problem when you are in that position of helplessness and you need someone you better forget it because no one cares or is going to give you what you need because you aren't bleeding out or dying. As a child I wished bad things all the time so people say they're sorry and to love me again when I was little. I've even tried hanging myself at 8 to 10 years old.
Because I was scared of dying a normal way or being killed by someone else that fear you want to get away but never can. It's hell truly. I'm never going to be better. I'm not worried anymore I just want to survive so I can die peacefully alone where I started alone and finish it when I'm old.