I am interested in hearing about other people with bipolar's experiences with psychedelic use. What was the outcome? Psychological benefit? Mania? Psychosis?
I'd also like to share my story for feedback:
I am now, at age 22, diagnosed with Bipolar type 1 disorder. My depression morphed into something else when I was 16: I began showing signs of mania/hypomania. I first suspected bipolar disorder when I was 18 when a teacher hinted that I could be bipolar. I read about it and identified with the symptoms.
As a teenager I used a lot of drugs and alcohol to self medicate, mostly just pot and alcohol. But when I went away to college I had easy access to an abundance of psychedelics (mushrooms and lsd). I hadn't tried psychedelics before and I fell in love with them. I must have done them at least 20 times during my freshman year. I was fearless and did huge amounts. I became very psychotic. I think anyone would become psychotic with that amount of psychedelics use. My friends who tripped as much as I did didn't get as delusional as I did though.
I thought I had been abducted by aliens, that I was an alien spacecraft, that I was lost in another universe, that all the people I saw were either robots or aliens in human form, and that I was on my way to hell unless I stopped using drugs. I also often thought I was dead. I'm curious if anyone could be driven to be this psychotic with extreme psychedelics use alone, or if it only happens in people with an underlying mental illness.
Things got scary that first year. I remember one really bad night I slept in the woods on campus by myself on a cold school night because I felt like the days were too much the same.
I got sober that summer and was sober for 6 months. I was persistently psychotic during this period. I still thought people were actually aliens and robots. I thought I was lost in space and was an alien spacecraft. I thought people could read my thoughts. I thought my crush was really me in the form of a man. I thought I was going to be reincarnated into a cat for being bad and I made my roommate remove cat pictures she had posted on the fridge because they scared me. I was freaked out when my roommates put googely eyes on everything because I thought I was being watched. These delusions happened on an intense level 6 months after I used any substance (I relapsed on psychedelics eventually and the full blown psychosis continued, fueled mainly by pot and alcohol.) I'm not sure what my roommates were thinking at this point. I was very open with these delusions and I often told them I thought I was bipolar. I sought an evaluation at school once but didn't go back so I didn't get much help. I guess my roommates just thought I did too many drugs.
I graduated after two years at that college and moved home because I felt like things were too crazy around that college. As the year progressed the intense delusions eased up but didn't disappear. I'd say at this point (my second year home and away from college) I can look back and see how out of touch with reality I really was. I've definitely had serious mood episodes and legal troubles this past year but any psychotic thoughts were mild in comparison to my two years at college. Now I'm on lithium and lamotrigine and life is quite a bit better. I was finally diagnosed this past summer.
Okay sorry for the rant. I'd also love to hear your experiences with psychosis and/or psychedelic use.
Last edited by Turtleboy; Nov 29, 2015 at 04:15 AM.
Reason: added trigger
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