I have epilepsy, a benign brain tumor, a post surgical back, and presently am diagnosed with major depression and generalized anxiety. Historically, I think it's more like dysthemia.

The problem is that I can't support myself, and don't have anyone in my life to depend on. I've never made much so if I got on disability, it would be very little. I'm working with the department or rehab to get a career, but the reality is I may not be able to earn a living.

I can't accept what that implies. I have an upper middle class background, a master's degree, and am well traveled. Over the past year I've been living in the sort of places and in the conditions that I would be condemned to if I were on disability. I can't live like that. Neither can I face always being subject to the hassles, limitations, and oversight of government programs.

If I were married, or otherwise supported, it would be a pain but being on disability would be doable. Unfortunately, I see no reason to think that marriage is possible for me.

A big problem I have is that no one understands. I'm seeing my priest and a therapist regularly, but both are younger than I am and both have a career and family. It's hard for them because they haven't faced the same challenges. I have a few old friends, but even they are beginning to talk down to me. They mean well, but I don't have anyone to advise me in a way that gives me hope and support. I've worked so hard for so long and can't accept the way things are. I can accept being ill, I can't accept that the present circumstances are permanent.