So, there's lots of discussion about how very early childhood really sets the stage for kids development. I have very loving parents, but can definitely see where my dad's drinking/temper problems and the resulting interactions have played a role in shaping who I am today.

I can't help but wonder what or if there is some threshold. What's the critical mass, where "ordinary" stress and disagreements spill over into imprinting unstable attachment and all the other little bits and pieces that go into developing a child's psyche.

My husband and I have a pretty healthy relationship, and I think we model very good communication around our children the vast majority of time. Screaming fights are very rare....almost never.

almost.....we had one last week, and he left for an hour to cool off (coming back before the kids' bedtime so he'd be there to tuck them in.) But prior, he was yelling, I was yelling, crying. And my kids were definitely stressed out (they are 3 and 5). And because I was crying they were trying to "take care" of me. my son was rubbing my back etc.

Or back when my anxiety disorder was first diagnosed and out of control. The very visible "mommy's not well" times were only over a few months, and I tried to explain so they kind of understood

So again, these incidents are not regular occurences....there not even "seasonally" occurrences. But I still remember as a kid how terrifying the screaming matches in my house were growing up. It just kills me to think that a lapse of judgement and control with my husband and I to let our anger take priority over the mental wellbeing of the little people we created kind of kills me inside.

anyone else who can relate?