Hi all,

Long time lurker, first time poster. I'm dealing with something that with each passing day is making it more and more difficult to cope.

When I was in high school I was sexually abused by my uncle and I never told anyone at the time. A few years after the abuse he told my aunt (his wife) that it was a consensual affair and from that point forward she has off and on been sending me hate emails telling me I need to suffer, I have no morals and I've ruined her life. In my conversations with her I've told her the whole story in detail about the abuse but in her mind it's all consensual because he told her it was. During this time I was so overwhelmed with guilt I never told my parents about what had happened. When the abuse was happening I felt like I was at fault, like a lot of victims do, but as I got older and my aunt started terrorizing me it made me feel even more so that I had caused the situation to occur.

I eventually told my parents about the abuse and how my aunt was sending me hate mails. My mom is my aunt's sister and she called her angry, saying she doesn't want to see them again and there has been hatred between our two families for about 3 years now.

Flash forward to now, I am have finally reached out to a detective and I'm in the midst of an investigation. My dad was the one who encouraged me to pursue it and I'm happy he did because I finally feel as though after so many years, I can finally move on. However the problem I'm facing now is extreme guilt.

He's been arrested and will go through questioning and depending on what the county attorney has to say regarding the case, it will either go to trial or a deal out of court will be made. I feel so incredibly guilty for ruining my abuser's life. He has two children who will forever know their father is a molester, it's a small town and everyone will know and his business will be ruined. The thing I don't understand is why I feel this way to begin with. I've wanted justice for so many years and now that it's finally here I feel like I shouldn't be doing this. I almost feel like my time has passed and now I'm ruining someone because I can't move on. I keep trying to tell myself that I deserve justice, that victimization should never be kept quiet, that if this were someone else I would want them to press charges even if it were 50 years after the abuse, but I just can't reconcile these feelings I have. I never thought that I would feel sorry for this abuser, but here I am torn to pieces over this. My parents are thrilled that the abuser is (hopefully) going to be prosecuted and they are 1000% supportive but their words just don't help. I will not back down from the investigation, but I'm having a lot of difficulty coping with the situation. I fear retaliation from my aunt or the abuser and I know that my extended family will be divided on this issue because my aunts and uncles live in the same town and are very close.

Can anyone slap me with a reality check so I can handle my emotions? I was totally unprepared for the possibility that I would feel bad for my abuser. Has anyone gone through something similar or experienced similar emotions after naming their abuser?