Yesterday I texted my dad to ask him about a short time that I live with my grandparents. I love and miss them so much, they passed many years ago.

He connected a couple things I remember from early childhood but had no real time frame so didn't connect them as being during the same time frame. I was about 4 years old, maybe even 3. These are things that I already knew so it wasn't a surprise or anything. Dad said I remember a whole lot more than he ever expected.

But then he told me about how when I was still with my mother, before he got custody, within that same time frame that I have some memories of, within a 6 month time frame. He said she had take off from her mothers house with me and my sister without telling anyone where she was going, moved in with some man out it the desert. I remember some of this. Dad said during our time there, there was a shoot out with police and the boyfriend, the house was surrounded by police, loudspeakers telling him to come out with his hands up, etc. Apparently he and all the people hanging out at the house were all convicted felons, with a house full of guns and some sort of illegal activity going on.

After Dad got us, we were pretty happy together. Things were safe, he was a born again Christian so no more drugs, no more trouble. Then he met and married my SM. She was physically and emotionally/verbally abusive. Then my safety and security was gone again.

How anyone can ever question my overwhelming need to feel safe.....