I'm still upset about my mother. But she didn't do anything she hasn't done all my life. I actually cried today because of her. All these years I've been praying for her to stay healthy and well because I thought I'd forgiven her, and was afraid to go through the loss, but today I feel free of her in the sense that I won't care when she dies because she was never a real mother to me, more like a sworn enemy.

I'm still messed up from my years as a child of hers. I'll never get over what I went through because my whole life was ruined from it. I became mentally ill in early childhood. For years my father and she beat me for it. With belts and closed fists. They thought it was a phase I was deliberately going through. When I begged them after one such beating to take me to a psychiatrist, they were surprised, but they never got me any help. The physical abuse continued until I was big enough to punch them back, which I never did, of course. The emotional/psychological abuse never stopped. And it goes on every time I call that woman on the phone.

My old psychoanalyst used to tell me I might feel great relief when she died. This is the first time I believe that might really be the case. I stuffed my emotional pain down very far as I've continued calling her, believing it was my duty as far as honoring my parents. I don't think I'm going to call her anymore though. She's a horrible mother and she had no business having kids.