Quote:
Originally Posted by stolen_innocence08
Thats exactly what it's like. My BPD/attachment has truly gone ****ing mental and I NEED TO BE WITH HER all of the time just to feel okay again.
I am more than terrified she will see our sessions as not helpful/bail on me. I'd understand. I wasn't cutting for a long time before i began seeing her. I do with most attachments I have hence why I choose to have none now.
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I can relate to a lot of this. For me, it was my self-harming getting even worse after my ex-therapist hurt me and left after a 5+ year totally dependent and unethical relationship. It made me feel so worthless and unloveable that all I could think about was destroying myself like she did.
I'm also afraid of attaching. Because it hurts. Avoiding doesn't help though because unless you lock yourself in the house, it will happen. I think the only way is to work on it and start feeling strong enough that that NEED is at least less intense. Learn to care for yourself. And maybe spread it around a bit. I have another mother type figure with whom the anxiety and fear of her leaving isn't desperate and intense. I know she'll be there if I need her, and she was there to listen when my therapist hurt me.
Hugs, I know how bad that pain can be.