I don't know what the public housing is like where you live. In the area where I live, either public housing (city funded or HUD funded) or some of the apartment complexes that offer units for 30% of your income are usually better quality housing than trying to find somewhere on the regular rental market.

You have to get to know the reputation of the public housing in your area. Where I live, some of the larger properties have lots of crime. I live in a small one. There is less crime in this small public housing property in a small town where I live now than there was in the neighborhood where I owned a house 10 years ago in a large city.

I agree that people not understanding is a problem. I lost a lot of friends after I wasn't able to work anymore and gradually became very poor and then went on disability.

Part of it was them not understanding, and part was economic disparity. I couldn't afford to meet for lunch or to socialize in the way I had before with them.

I think it's good that you are talking with your priest. The pastor at my church was very helpful to me during the time when I was first facing all these changes.

One thing we discussed is what gives people worth and how it isn't dependent on how much money they can earn or what kind of job they can or can't do.

If people start talking down to you, I think you either have to have a discussion with them about it if it's someone you really want to keep in your life, or you have to let them go.

There are therapists where I live who specialize in working with people who are facing life changes because of illness or for other reasons. (I have never been able to afford to see one, but it's worth looking into.)

The government oversight is disagreeable. I'll definitely give you that. Even though I understand the need for documenting that people are actually eligible for programs, from time to time I mourn my loss of privacy.

One thing I try to remind myself of is that Social Security has a very specific definition of "disabled". It has to do with your ability to work consistently at a job that pays enough for you to make some dollar amount (not sure exactly what that is.) If it's a low-paying job, that probably means 40 hours a week. If you had a high-paying job but could only work 15 hours a week, they might find you not disabled if you're making enough money.

I try not to let that word "disabled" mean anything else to me except what Soc. Sec. says about inability to earn enough money to support myself. It doesn't mean "handicapped" or that you can't have a life.

If you do get approved for Soc. Sec. disability based on your past earnings and that amount is less than the SSI amount for your state (currently $733 + any state extra $) then you would get SSI payments as well and you'd probably get Medicaid in addition to Medicare.

I won't say that being on disability is a fantastic lifestyle, but I have found it less bad than being sick and unable to work and broke and NOT being on disability. That was definitely worse.

Also, try to remember that things may change with time. Your health may improve. You may find work that you can do. The transition of applying for and starting to get disability is a stressful one, and lots of people find that they get sicker and more depressed for a while and then they start to improve.

When you say "upper middle class", I'm not sure if you're talking about education level or family money as well ("class" in the US seems to be a word that isn't well-defined.)

If your family has money and they are willing to help you get somewhere decent to live, that would be fantastic.

I agree that it's difficult to find people in your life who understand what being on disability means. There will be a few rare people who will accept you as you are. Other people on disability will be more likely to understand.

There are plenty of people here on the PC forums who also understand.

I am nearing my mid-50s now. I became unable to work in my late 30s. I still remember how awful that time was and difficult the adjustment period was.

You may have to ask around about public or subsidized or rent-controlled housing and to find out what is decent and safe. Sometimes you can also rent directly from a property owner. It can take time and some trial and error to find a place to live that you feel like you can tolerate. Bad housing is a terrible strain on both your physical and psychological health, so I think it's important to work to find a place where you feel okay. Or, if you don't feel okay, you know it's not because of the housing.