Quote:
Originally Posted by AncientMelody
Wow Jay, how very sad for you and your family to not have had the time to have reconciled those earlier hurts. And I've even thought about that to....were I to suddenly lose her in that manner...that would be very difficult and confusing to process emotionally. It sounds like it can be done as you have to your degree. But certainly a testament to the fact that the relationship is still a warranted topic of discussion.
And I am coming to understand the concept of doing the best they could at the time. I know my father grew up in a very cold environment. His parents experienced the harsh realities of the Great Depression which may have influenced some of his own upbringing. And certainly cold was never a word I'd have used about my house hold! I know he loved us how he was able and in a way he'd never experienced.
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Oh, AncientMelody, please don't think that anything that I experience now or waaay back then was unbearable. . . it wasn't. It wasn't unbearable because I managed to live and my family was able to somehow survive with some level of intactness.. . I can not deny that I lived through the turmoil of our family; I managed, in spite of being the one who was unacceptable or the black sheep, to live on, to become successful in my life financially, if not emotionally. .. sad that it couldn't be both. I survived and grew into a successful human being who supported herself physically and mentally. Was it the best possible situation for me? No. . . but it was truly was okay in the end.
Human nature is amazing! I survived and grew from what happened all those years ago. . . we're talking over 40 years ago! Sorry if I didn't make that clear to you in my post. I managed to make the system work and I know how lucky I am because I know without a doubt that many aren't able to make that happen.
I don't remember if you're waaaaay younger than I am. . . .I tend to think that most posters on this site are younger than me so forgive me if I'm wrong. But in any case, if you can work this through with your therapist, really focus on the feelings and childhood perceptions in an honest and straight forward way, I truly think that you will be giving yourself a gift. Opening up to your thoughts and feelings as a youth is important. Those feelings, in my opinion, are the basis of our functioning later in life ... not the sole basis of our personalities, but certainly a bit part. I hope that you and your therapist are able to work this out!