Thanks for the advice everyone! I have put leaving in the back of my mind if they go ahead and get the trailer despite they knowing how I feel. My fiance doesn't know that yet because I haven't entirely made up my mind. There is some hope, he has agreed to not get it if it is absolute trash regardless of what his parents say. I will look at it under the one condition that I get to take my brother with us because my brother can bring an outside opinion to the situation. He's agreed to my terms.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
Stop having conversations with people about things that are absolutely none of their business. This isn't only about buying a trailer. This is about your in-laws grooming you to accept that they are going to be in the middle of your relationship, butting in where they don't belong. It's the trailer now. Next it will be when you should have your first child.
The way to stop talking about something is to stop talking about it. The way to discourage people from trying to control you is to stop making it easy for them. Privately, tell your boyfriend what you have decided. Then do it. If you need to, put your fingers in your ears and go, "la la la la la, I'm not listening." They will talk about whatever they want, but you don't have to join the conversation.
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Them butting in about grandchildren is one of my big fears. After this started, I started having nightmares about them wanting grandchildren. We have chosen to be childfree for now for my mental health and I am not budging on that.
When I was in therapy, one of my therapists did tell me that sometimes I do need to ignore what is being said. I will be sticking to I'm sorry but I can't with them.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
I understand that it is possible to love a man who has overly clingy parents and not be willing to leave him just for that reason. divine makes a good point about him being still tied to apron strings. I agree, but I wouldn't expect you to break up over that. However, you do need to face that your guy is emotionally dependent on and involved with his parents to an unhealthy degree. If that wasn't the case, he would have long ago put up more appropriate barriers between his parents and himself. This is going to continue causing problems for you. You might want to have a heart-to-heart with him about this. Don't belittle him, but talk to him about how some things are between the two of you only. Don't expect him to change his parents. He can't. But he can change himself - a bit - if he understands how important it is and how wrong it is for his folks to be all up in his business as they are. This problem will come up about other things besides where you live.
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I understand that he can't change his parents. I had to accept a long time ago with an ex that I can't force people to change. Part of it was that my fiance grew up a lot differently than I did and he sees it as normal whereas I don't. I am working on writing a letter letting him know I feel when he blabs some things to family.
He did stand up to his parents and got control of his car title last week so there is some hope! And I had nothing to do with that!