the work program/placement thing is getting worse + i dont know if i can survive it mentaly AND physicly. its got really cold now + the shop has crap heating, the back part has none, its like a fridge and i have to stand still for most of the day. when i come to move i can barely walk cos my toes are numb, when i finally get home it takes forever for me to "warm up" if you can call it that, im never properly warm anymore. it hurts but i am trying my best to ignore it. i know its just me because im "soft". i have circulation problems and i cant even do things to help the circultion (exercise, eating more) cos i dont have the time cos im there most of the day and cant eat while im there obvously

at least this is "working" i suppose, this is complete torture (both physiclly + emotionly) and that was the whole point. i was sent here for punishment for been unemployed (1 of the worst crimes you can do apparantly, or at least the most hated). i hope the taxpayers are happy now. its working

i dont see any point of existing anyway, apart from it been so much crap and nothing worth existing for i am now so ill theres no point trying to stay healthy at all. everything i do is instantly undone by this stupid thing. its a waste of time. if im still "alive" by the end of it i might try to fix this mess then. i say alive in a... medical sense i suppose coz my soul died a long time ago and i am anything but live. just some empty shell existing. also i refuse to use the word live/life because i am certainly NOT doing that!!

i am severly depressed when i am there... only. on days off i am ok and can actually even have fun sometimes. when i had a week off it was brilliant, i was totally fine, but that cant happen again i am not "depressed" its just caused by the situation im in... if im out of it long enough i can improve. i cannot wait until its over (in january)

saturdays are the worst, im in full day, its dead busy and i am all by myself all day + have to do everything at once, its hell. i always cant wait for the end of the day and it takes forever to be over. i hate it

having money problems too, had to buy new stuff for various reasons, which i cant afford and also have to buy stuff for lunch etc. and now i have to buy christmas presents for everyone and try to keep heating on and somehow also buy food. on top of all the bills. its just impossible! its never been this bad any other year

i just really hate everything right now...