I can relate to every single person on this thread. I didn't know that masking the self was a common bipolar symptom. I have presented a self (not an alter self, but a persona) to the world since I was a kid, which obviously took on a different meaning as I got older. I don't really have friends now (unless my bunny counts ). My first year in college i had a lot of friends, then undiagnosed bipolar got worse came about and I was the "crazy drunk" as cmorales eloquently said. I also became the self-garner, the slut, and all that fun stuff. i was forced to move home which isolated me and I retained one friend from that first year. She knows everything about me. I recently had a falling out with another friend who knew, and she used it against me in a fight saying that I "was having an episode" and that "my disorder was really apparent right now"...lesson learned *****.
Anyway I'm glad I'm not the only one. I do isolate myself and am not social, but I have unchecked anxiety and have learned that people suck. That being said, I do sometimes wish I were a "normal" 22 year old in which I have a social life or someone who cares..but im not into/can't do the hound people thang like drinking and stuff. As you can tell by my incoherent babble I am conflicted