I feel numb and emotionless (except irritable sometimes) and I can't explain to my therapist well enough and I just hate it. I feel like I've been in an episode so long that I forget what feeling good feels like and I've gotten used to depression. It's just been so long.

This week is going to be hard with something in my family and I am afraid that I'm going to start feeling things that will hurt and I don't know if I can cope with that.

I just don't like how I feel. I was worse a few months ago when I came off meds and was IP. But I still don't even feel human anymore. I just seem to exist and do what is expected of me or what someone puts in front of me to do. It's been so long I forget what I really am like.