Hi. Just read your message...I don't know if I can help but I went through a similar situation with my Mother. The difference here is that you're all alone dealing with this. First, you must accept the fact that your Mom or Dad are NOT going to change. It is extremely frustrating I know, but if you can tell yourself that this is the way they are, and there's nothing you can do about it, you may be able to release some of the frustration. Second they are all grown up and responsible for their own lives. Unless they are mentally incompetent I see no reason for you to have to be burdened with their financial responsibilities. Tell them that you are no longer going to help them with their finances unless they are willing to make amends...and stick to your guns. Also, you might suggest that they sell their house and move into a seniors complex.
My mom is 80 and I have 5 other brothers and sisters. After my Dad died my Mom went on a spending spree and went through over $100,000. in 10 years -spent on gambling and trips and new furniture. Then she'd complain that she couldn't pay her gas bill. I gave up. When any of my brothers or sisters call telling me how much they're worried about Mom's financial situation I tell them I don't want to hear about it. If Mom calls complaining about how she has no money to pay her bills and has just come back from a junket to some Casino I tell her...'oh...too bad'. That's all I say.
There's an old saying that "no good deed goes unpunished. If you don't want to be babysitting your parents for the rest of your life, you'd better put your foot down now. They're old enough to take care of themselves. As I see it anyway.
Rosey