I don't think these negative thoughts and paranoia are going to go away unless you get on meds. I'm not trying to push anything but you don't seem "all there". Do you have health insurance or any type of dr you can talk to?

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN