Thank you all for your replies

Thunder Bow - Yes, I believe you're right. I always try to remind myself of how lucky I am. I was already in the process of detaching emotionally from her when she ended it, otherwise I feel she could have caused me some serious long-term harm.

arbbarb - I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. I imagine it must be so much harder when you're in a physical relationship, as opposed to long-distance. I know exactly what you mean by caving in... I also find it difficult to be assertive, which I too would like to work on. I actually feel guilty when I say no, or try to be assertive which sucks. Actually, I guess I'd never have gotten myself into this mess had I been more assertive, because she would have jumped ship long ago. I'm happy to hear that you're in therapy seeking help in achieving your goals. It shows that you're self-aware and want to better yourself and your life... the people we love don't seem to have that ability, so that fact should make us appreciate it even more. I wish you all the best and hope you reach your goals. I know you will! Thank you for the advice, it's absolutely 100% applicable to me and my situation.

DBTDiva - I know, I probably couldn't have changed her. But I thought she wanted to change, at least she told me she did. So I guess I felt obliged to at least try. Though I guess I also had some selfish motives too, because I wanted to have that closeness with someone. Perhaps if I was able to put my feelings aside and see her as a friend I'd have been able to make a positive impact. I don't know, and I doubt it, but I still think about it. Yes, I should have trusted my gut instinct. I knew something wasn't quite right, but I made excuses for her. I'll hopefully never make that mistake again. Oh, she knows exactly what her leaving would do to me... I won't go into details, but she knows. Though I guess her lack of empathy means she doesn't truly understand. But I imagine she knows it's something that would hurt me a great deal. Thank you for the book recommendation, definitely going to try get hold of it. I'm happy to hear that you managed to overcome your difficulties, it's good to hear from people who have gone through trials and come out on top. I wish you all the best.

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