I am really struggling to understand why life is so hard now that I have been diagnosed Bipolar II. I had a breakdown back in June and that is when I first received the diagnosis. I can recognize that this is something I have had my whole life, but nothing was official until this year.

The part I struggle with is that I had many depressive and manic episodes throughout my life. I just never recognized it as Bipolar and I never sought treatment because, well, it was sort of manageable. It's not to say life wasn't hard and that some treatment wouldn't have been helpful, but I got through it because I thought it was "normal".

It seems it has gotten worse this last four years, ending up with a partial hospitalization this past June, but before that it was status quo.

So why is it so much worse now? I have never been so depressed in my life where I feel like I got hit by a truck everyday and literally cannot function, where I'm praying my pdoc gives me some klonopin just to manage my anxiety. (She did...thank god!) But I never felt so sick in my life.

Does it get worse with age? Has anyone experienced worsening symptoms as they get older? I'm really having a hard time accepting that my life is a shell compared to what it used to be, especially since I was quite functionally Bipolar for many years.