Oh, I'm not going to court. Nobody is; I don't think he wants us there. And I promised my therapist long ago not to go. I wasn't even supposed to know how many or specifically what the charges were had this gone to trial because my therapist said that it would just make me hate my brother (due to the nature of the crime). I just have to deal with the phone call that makes it official and with whatever feelings come with that. I kinda delayed letting myself be mad because I thought that would come when he was in jail and after everything had come out. Then that isn't what happened so about 3 weeks ago I got smacked with a lot of anger, about the only thing I can feel right now.

I actually already wrote all this out. It was supposed to be for my brother but veered directly into PTSD territory so I've been carrying it to my therapist but waiting to talk about it until after Thanksgiving was dealt with. I've pretty much been drawing or writing everything lately; I'm not doing well with saying things. I said a lot in this "letter" though. I made an appt. to discuss it and then had to cancel b/c I left home without my purse or enough gas. (Very stupid).

My brother isn't innocent either. I feel like he is getting away with a lot. Which is maybe not fair, this will impact his life and maybe will do so in ways I do not even know about yet depending on how the judge sets probation, but I've been on the victim side and it hurts. This is all tangled up with my own issues.

But we've waited well over a year and I guess at least the waiting will end.