Hello Amy Today: Oh yes, I recognize this pattern! I'm a senior citizen now. I managed to limp along independently for a half century (literally.) It often wasn't pretty. But I managed to keep my nose above water, so to speak. I never sought help. For one thing I was too embarrassed. (When & where I grew up, the worst thing that one could have would have been a mental illness! I've often said that my parents would have better understood me going to jail than being committed to a hospital psych ward.) But also, for many years, there simply were not the mental health services available there are today. Not that it would have made any difference. In addition to being embarrassed, I was also too stubborn & probably egotistical too.

Beginning at around age 50 or so, things began to unravel. And they've continued to unravel, albeit slowly, up through recent times. Over the past few months or a year perhaps, I seem to have more-or-less regained my balance. Although I also know that it is a delicate balance. It wouldn't take much to sink it again. To a large extent, it is anchored in the solitary lifestyle I lead. I do definitely believe that mental health symptoms can worsen with age. I don't know if this happens with everyone. But it certainly has for me. I guess it's like a dam holding back a reservoir. The older the dam gets, the harder it is for it to hold back the water & the more likely it is that it will rupture. At least that's the way I've experienced it. As I got older, it just became increasingly difficult to contain all of the anxiety & depression that I had carried around for so many years.

I do also think that experiences such as being hospitalized & put on psych med's also can contribute to feeling less in control. It really brings home to you, in a very real & concrete way, that you are a person who has a mental illness. Even if you don't share that information with anyone, you know it & it changes your perception of yourself. It has me... I wish you well...