my mother died on May 30 of ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed only 3 weeks before she died (one week after the surgery to remove the huge tumor). He internal organs were covered in cancer. I stayed with her for the last two days of her life and when the hospital called that night that she had died I was relieved she was out of pain. I cried, briefly, that night and one or two times since, but I can't seem to give myself the permission to really grieve and get it out. My T says I need to do it but I just don't know how to give up that iron control I keep on my feelings. The loss of her was very difficult - she had schizophrenia, undiagnosed until I was 12 or 13 so my early childhood years are pretty much unknown to me (locked out of my consciousness). Now, with therapy some things are coming back and I really need to get in touch with how badly I feel for her: for how badly she suffered for over a year without telling anyone about her pain. I hurt so bad, not being able to grieve. Just wanted some comfort - some words on how to let go since I have not been able to.