To be honest, it's like two years now I wake up in the middle night feeling scared and feeling the something horrible is happening.

Almost used to that by now.

But last few weeks, I been even more edgy. And slightly paranoid. (But I think I have my reasons. Still. Maybe I am making the **** up, it's so absurd, it shouldn't be real...).

I spend too much time on social media, arguing with big sharks (or rather dissing them) or talking to fellow sunshiners and coffee shop intellectuals about how the world is going to hell.

I get angry over stupid people. I get scared of hateful people and contemplate what to do if situation gets real bad, without compromising my principles. There are no good answers.

I try to act okay in work, but then I just have to go randomly walk around to take the edge off, or comfort myself by buying 50 cent nailpolishes and 2 euro eyeshadow palletes. Because as long as I have outrageous colors for my face and nails, I can deal with upcoming WWIII, I guess.

I am hyperinvolved, putting myself wayyy behind other "causes". Don't sleep that much lately.

Maybe I am manicky. Maybe I am just reasonably concerned by the **** going on around me and trying to make sense of it and trying to do my little to... I don't even know what. To be able to claim in front of deities I did not sit and watch idly?

Not sure I am manicky or if all these feelings are reasonable. Either way, i need to think of ways to deal with them.