Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy Today
I am really struggling to understand why life is so hard now that I have been diagnosed Bipolar II. I had a breakdown back in June and that is when I first received the diagnosis. I can recognize that this is something I have had my whole life, but nothing was official until this year.
The part I struggle with is that I had many depressive and manic episodes throughout my life. I just never recognized it as Bipolar and I never sought treatment because, well, it was sort of manageable. It's not to say life wasn't hard and that some treatment wouldn't have been helpful, but I got through it because I thought it was "normal".
It seems it has gotten worse this last four years, ending up with a partial hospitalization this past June, but before that it was status quo.
So why is it so much worse now? I have never been so depressed in my life where I feel like I got hit by a truck everyday and literally cannot function, where I'm praying my pdoc gives me some klonopin just to manage my anxiety. (She did...thank god!) But I never felt so sick in my life.
Does it get worse with age? Has anyone experienced worsening symptoms as they get older? I'm really having a hard time accepting that my life is a shell compared to what it used to be, especially since I was quite functionally Bipolar for many years.
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I am sorry you are struggling and having such a hard time. It is very difficult to be so depressed and there is a sense of grieving the "old life" we used to have before the BP was diagnosed.
I, too, was diagnosed a little later in life - in my early 40's - but looking back I had the symptoms since teenage years. I think there are studies that suggest the longer you go without treatment and the later in life it is diagnosed the worse the BP may become.
For me, the stress of trying to maintain work/life balance and having 4 children definitely increased my stress/anxiety, and depression. That, coupled now with peri-menopause all creates the perfect storm so to speak that brings out the BP even more than in younger years.
So, in short, yes for me bipolar has gotten worse as I have gotten older. I have been hospitalized four times since I was 40 and I am now 48. I am medication resistent and have had ECT without success ( and it left me with cognitive and memory loss). I am now on disability.
I understand the feeling of being a "shell" of my former self. But, I am trying to be optimistic and trying to make the best of this situation. I will not stop trying- going to pdoc and t appointments. I lost my sister to BP and that is not a path I will ever take.
I wish you well; I know firsthand how bad the depression and anxiety can be. I hope you find a medication cocktail that will stabilize you. I also assume you are seeing a therapist?
Take care,
Mom2trips+1
BP, mixed with rapid cycling; PTSD
Wellbutrin, zoloft, abilify, xanax, namenda
ECT 2015