I'm so sick of myself. I've been staying busy for weeks now, almost daily. I'm worn out, I tried to get out alot do to my docs saying it'd be "good" for me. If anything its made me feel worse. I mean I see other teens, have a couple a relationship, they have sex, do the drugs, and have a good memory to look back on to regret. I HAVE NO REGRETS OTHER THEN NOT REGRETING! I want to be normal I want love, I want a good time, I want something!!!!!!!!????? What is that??????? God,...I'm so so close! I'm so far away from you tho.....why does this world want rid of me!!!! I need you all! I need me! I need love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO matter how much im told i'm young this brain of mine is ANCIENT its full of horrible memories.......its full of %#@&#! timmes........its full of so much pain. I WAKE UP SCREAMING! I was at a friends woke him up screaming, and crying WHY GOD WHY??!!!!!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE