Today. I sat in the waiting room. I saw a girl leaving T's room 10 minutes after her endtime. T started with me 5 minutes late. Not the first time. Since she works a this place, she has been 2-8 minutes late for most of my sessions. It especially bothers me when I know it is because of the client before me.

So today, I kind of broke down when I sat down in T's room. I had to cry. I haven't cried in months, I think it's because of the meds. I didn't want to talk. I stayed quiet. T stayed quiet. We might been like that for half an hour. Then T asked what I want. Do I want to leave and come back next week. I didn't know. After being quiet some more, she asked if I want to write it down. So I did that.

What I wrote: about her being often late for my sessions, that it makes me feel like I'm less than others, that I'm not as important as her other clients, that I feel I'm never important to anyone, not to family, friends, classmates, T's.

Things she said after she read it:
I should be on time for all sessions, but sometimes there's something that has to be taken care of or the client before me stayed over time.
Me being late for sessions has nothing to do with you as a person. Do you think I'm never late with other clients? There has been a few times that you stayed a little longer, right? Sometimes I still have to finish something with a client and I don't just send them away just because we're out of time.
Do I make you feel like your not important when we're in session? It's more important what we talk about than it is about the minutes we are in here.
I'll promise that I try to start and end on times when your sessions are.
You can't think rational right now. If you think rational about this, then you know this, that me being late has nothing to do with you and that you're just like the other clients.
Why does all this comes out now? Has something other happened?

This conversation didn't make me feel better. It might even have make things a little worse. I wish I had acted like there was nothing, like I did those other times. I think I shouldn't have said anything about this.
Now I'm scared she doesn't like me or think I'm annoying or a crybaby.

I'll promise that I try to start and end on times when your sessions are.
-> This didn't make me feel better. To me this sounds like I'm difficult and whine about everything.
It also doesn't help me. I still think T thinks I'm less than her other clients. That she likes her other client more than me. I don't know how she is with other clients. This is the only thing I can see, a client staying over time. And I interpret that as clients who stay longer than their endtime and which affects the next clients startime, those clients are more liked by T.
So yes there have been a few sessions that went a bit overtime. But that were only a few minutes. And I didn't saw someone sitting in the waitingroom when I left. And today T went over time. 9 minutes, but actually 4, because she was 5 minutes late. The next client was waiting. I first had to go to the bathroom. And when just when I left I heard T saying hi to the next client. On time.