The trouble I see with this is that consistently making accusations about your supposed lack of fondness for her is sort of an aggressive passing of the buck.. to respond to having feelings that one can't deal with by accusing the other person of being hostile or unloving seems unfair and unproductive. What kind of significant resolution could come from addressing feelings that way?

A few sessions of couples counseling might go a long way, as far as developing coping skills together. Otherwise it sounds to me like both of you will continue to be held hostage by the situation. If you're not inclined towards counseling, maybe you can come to an agreement, at a time when she's able to talk about it, about creating a positive space to deal with it? Something like, anytime an unproductive and overly emotionally charged situation gets started, agreeing to consistently table that conversation until a specified later time. By which time she may just have cooled off enough to discuss her feelings in a more constructive way. Maybe you could even have a regular appointment for a while, weekly or something, for discussing any contentious topics that had been tabled in that time. It could ultimately minimize anxiety on both sides, while supporting the development of skills in self-regulating emotions.

Just my take. I am not a licensed professional.