I've calmed down a lot and regained a little hope after just stepping away and reevaluating some plans.

I know I say stuff that can be kind of...inflammatory, like intelligence being the main source of a person's worth. That's not completely accurate thought - it's a watered down way of saying I've always seen intelligence as the main source of my own worth. I'm not sure how to understand it any other way: if I'm stupid, I'm nothing. I guess it's a bit more politically correct, less whiny-sounding, to make a generalization rather than discuss a personal cognitive distortion.

So far most attempts to remedy said distortion don't really work: it doesn't make sense to me, on an intuitive level, to say that intelligence doesn't matter or development speed is meaningless. I end up lapsing back into the same beliefs and making all kinds of convoluted plans to "fix" myself and become/appear more intelligent. :/