Hey there, I am sorry to hear you're going through so much difficulties. Don't totally give up on hope, life, happiness. I don't know what purpose these struggles have for you, but for me depression taught me several things, like that I should always be kind, supportive, and accepting of others and myself. Also, I learned to be humble about my life, and accept the cruddy feelings and situations. So it can make you into a kinder person and I think that is a good thing at least. keep taking care of yourself as well as u can. I try to remind myself that I was given this life, and I am good enough, I am just doing my best every step, and then I feel less bad about myself and my past. I think u should keep seeking support systems like u have done with this forum.