So, I told my t yesterday that I was interested in the pdoc in her office and that my mom had offered to pay the $225 evaluation fee. She acted weird about it in my opinion and it made me feel embarrassed. It was probably in my head but I have obsessed about it none the less. I think it is just because there is so much going on. I wrote this to paraphrase the message I wanted to leave her:
There is no need to return my call as I realize this is ridiculous! However, if I don't get it out I will continue to obsess about it as I feel embarrassed. The only reason I mentioned the possibility of switching doctors is I feel like mine has dropped the ball recently. I do like him but I don't necessarily depend on him. Anyway, just afraid I sounded like an idiot and wanted to clarify.
Is this completely ridiculous? Would you leave a message like this? Would you address it at all or just let it go? I know I am a ridiculous person. I actually called her office number but then hung up. I don't want to further embarrass myself. What do you think?
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*****
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
Tori Amos ~ Crucify
Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
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