Hi, guys.

I've been wanting to get something out for a long time. Today, I called the rape crisis center in my county and asked what the process of filing is. It's been nine months today that it all started--but ended sometime in the summer. I was raped by a man in the barracks, but it continued to happen (mental abuse as well) and I was raped two more times, I realized.

There is no evidence, though I did catch him at one time via Kik, but since Kik is finicky about keeping logs, I canceled my meeting Friday to speak with the therapist, military liaison, CID, and police department. I cannot bring myself to face this man.

I can't even over come the whole Stockholm Syndrome, when it feels like it's "all my fault." Maybe I didn't say no enough, or maybe I flirted too much. Or I didn't struggle enough when he held me down. Or maybe it meant nothing when I liked him and forgave him.

I shouldn't have been so naive, but he shouldn't have been so manipulative and he shouldn't have taken advantage of me. In the end, I'm not sure what will bring me closure. I may go back tomorrow and see if I can file against him.