I am used to being depressed. Sometimes I wonder what being happy even feels like, because it's been so long that I've felt happiness for a long period of time. I have always had suicidal ideations also, however never to the point that it worried me or anyone else. I've been having more thoughts rather than just the idea of doing it, such as, ways to do it, ways not to,how, where. I confided in someone I've been friends with for 5 years and his response? "you're scaring me" and I said I'm scared to. I either clean all day or sit on the couch, I quit working and although I know I need to as I have bills to pay, I have no ambition to do so. Changing my environment seems like the only option I have left, but I am currently living with my boyfriend and his family has become my family, along with his daughter. We do not have a healthy relationship, barely a relationship at all really, so I don't know why it is so hard to leave but it is. I'm not sure what else I could do. Any advice?