Pretty eyes, I agree you need to get into counseling. It sounds like you are stuck and need to work things out with a therapist. If you can't get one most hospitals have on call therapists that you can talk to for free as a suicide prevention measure. If you don't feel safe with these thoughts then maybe a short time in a residential clinic might be beneficial. Don't hesitate to talk to a professional. There is no such thing as crying wolf when you think like this. It sounds like these are not your thoughts at all but depression getting the best of you. I will pray for you and wish you the best. tc Let us know how you are doing with this. PC