Quote:
Originally Posted by Argonautomobile
I really identify with this. My T has never told me "you matter," "You're special," "I like you," in any very overt way. And I hate how much I want that from him. Here's how I started to think about it, and maybe it'll help you, too--
In a way, I'm grateful that T has never given me that kind of validation. I think it would be extremely addictive and make me dependent on his "approval," thus re-creating a lifelong dynamic where I need to find validation and approval from outside sources instead of finding it in myself. If I got to go in every week and feel just fantastic about myself because he says I'm fantastic, what reason would I ever have to be independent, to try and find my source of self-approval in myself and things I've done? None.
Just saying: your T may like you very much, but not feel that it's therapeutic to tell you that. If that makes any sense.
Good luck and take care!
PS: Not that any of this excuses your T's lateness or even her response, but the desire for overt validation seems like a separate issue, and the above is just one possible way to think about it.
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Maybe that's what my T is thinking, that validation wont help me. I can understand that. I worry a lot about waht other people might think of me, and she knows that. She says that it doesn't really care what others think of me. It's about what I think of me. People all have different opinons and some will like me and some won't.
But it's not like I want to hear every week from T that she likes me. I just once want to hear what she really thinks of me. Especially since I worry so much that I'm a burden to her. A few months ago I've talked to her about being afraid she likes me less than her other clients. And I still worry. Yesterday I was in tears because I'm so insecure about what she thinks of me. That she likes me less than her other clients. It might have helped me if she would have said ''I do like you'' or ''I do think you're important'' or ''I care about you''. Not something like all my clients are the same. That's not the same as ''I like you'' or ''I don't think you're annoying''.
Now I'm still afraid she doesn't like me. Actually I'm even more afraid after I said all that yesterday.