I personally agree with BlueCrustacean...you need to accept that being gay is normal and okay. I can see that you might be having issues accepting your sexuality. I've gone through and still deal with these same issues. I've known since I was teen that I'm gay, but I'm only truly accepting is openly in my 40's when I'm married to a woman with two kids.

Without attributing any of your issues to being gay, would you have the same difficulties if you were straight and looking for a girl? You see, you have no reason at all to hate yourself, or be ashamed, or think that you are a pervert. Being gay is as natural as any other sexuality...it in NO way makes you a bad person.

I know because I've gone down that path, that you are creating your own doubt loop which is overwhelming you. You need to work towards accepting that the feelings you have are normal and there is no shame in having them. From there, these feelings should stop "Disrupting" your life.