Thanks guys. Evening time is so much worse for me that in the morning. I just read your posts last night and although I was really fearful to see someone responded, I just felt like crawling in bed and crying.

I do believe my BF will figure his job stuff out on his own but it doesn't help me not worry. I wish I had more faith omega. Thanks for the pic compliment. That dog looks just like my dog actually. Little kids call him the Lady and the Tramp dog, lol.

Anyhow, my job is going to pick up in late Dec. I work with students at risk so it's not until finals time and grades in which we are really busy. They wait, u know, until things are too late. I am going to talk to my boss today, especially bc he's leaving to go on vacation for 3 weeks starting next Fri. We get about 4 weeks a year so we might as well take it when it's slow. At any rate, I don't want to be without a project for that long.

I know I should be proud of getting my PhD, but I'm not as challenged. My dissertation proposal is due next week and I'm way ahead of the game. I have 5 assignments due at the end of the semester and I only have one left to complete. I'm bored. Rediculous to say, I know! What am I going to do when I don't have class in Dec and early Jan???

EnglishDave- yes my supervisorpr prob would frown on my activities but I do work in the education field so getting my terminal degree and working on stuff at work isn't that out of the norm for my fried. I do still feel bad. I am still looking at other job opportunities if they come along. I also volunteered to be part of the leadership team on a professional organization, in hopes that will boost my resume and experience while also keeping me busy and giving me something to enjoy. It also helps our office/school look good.

I do appreciate he feedback. I ate better yesterday and then at night I got these pumpkin donut holes from the local bakery for my BF as a dessert. I ate 12 of the 18 in the package. He was like- where the heck did they go? I just said I ate them. He gave me a look like, really hunny? Not that he wanted them but that he knows how I feel about myself and he knows that won't help. So I said yea, but I ate wel all day. He said "well u didn't bc u ate a whole container of donut holes." I caved. I was really upset even tho he didn't mean it to be mean. Now all I want to do is never eat again. To show him I do have will power. I can't though. I know that. I used to struggle with restricting about 8-9 years ago...got down to the point where I got really sick and was underweight. I wanna be there again. I hate this body and I hate everything about myself.