I've struggled with various mental and emotional issues since I was a child. I thought recently I'd figured out the root of my problems, but new information keeps coming to me, and now I have no idea what's really wrong with me.

Early on, when I was around 11, I was diagnosed with acute anxiety. When my father died when I was 14, I suffered from depression for years. Now, as an adult, I have great difficulty in starting and maintaining relationships outside of one committed romantic relationship. I have a very hard time dealing with difficult customers at work. Most of all I often feel trapped in my head, and at the same time can't control my emotions. Sometimes I can't even figure out why I feel a certain way. And I have no idea how to relate to people, I can't fathom what's in their heads or what they want to hear, and freeze up in conversations.

For most of my life I assumed these symptoms stemmed from anxiety and depression. A few months ago I finally looked up OCPD, which a psychiatrist had diagnosed me as when I was a teenager, but too listless at the time to care what it meant. I realized that some of my problems came from, or were made worse by OCPD. I started looking for behavioral treatments to help me get past the things that make it difficult for me to work or have a social life.

Then just a couple days ago, I was reading what a friend of mine was saying about her children, who all have sensory processing disorder. I suddenly realize that I exhibit many of the symptoms her kids show. I thought, "Well, everyone has their quirks. It's just a few things really, like how I can't wear mismatched socks because they feel different... or how I have to put my milk in the freezer before drinking it because it feels too thick if it's at all warm... or how I've always hated wearing pantyhose..." but then there was more and more. More things that I know set me apart from most people, but just assumed were part of my personality. So I set out to find out just how many of these quirks you can have and still have them be considered quirks. I went through an SPD checklist, and was stunned at some of the things listed that I do and never noticed, or things I remembered from childhood. Things suddenly seemed to click.

But, I need some perspective. I can't tell anymore which of my problems come from what. Maybe I've always had SPD but didn't know because the OCPD was both exacerbating and masking it?
I guess for starters I'm hoping someone can tell me whether it sounds to them like I have SPD, or if I'm just being paranoid. I want other opinions before I spend money going to a psychiatrist, I don't feel like they've helped me get to the root of my problems in the past. I feel like I need to come to them already knowing what needs to be fixed. With all the red flags that point toward SPD, I'm really surprised that none of the counselors and psychs I've seen have suggested it. But then I realized, I rarely talk to them about sensory issues, because they're mostly just things I avoid and don't cause a huge problem in my life. Or so I thought, but I'm realizing that if I do have this problem, it could very well be causing me anxiety and depression and other things I originally attributed to them.

One thing that struck me when I started reading the symptoms was that my mother and sister also exhibit signs of sensory problems. My mom always walks on her toes when barefoot. My sister will only wear seamless socks, and will often choose clothing she likes at the store, and then refuse to wear it because it's uncomfortable in some way. Other little things like that.

But the list I've noticed for myself... it goes on and on.
Here's a few:

• If the collar of a shirt is tight, I feel like I can't breathe, or nauseous
• If someone tickles me or touches me lightly on the back, it can become so oversensitive that I get tickled when they're not even touching me
• I have lower pain tolerance than most people
• I absolutely hate getting water on my face. I rarely wash my face and when I do, I do it like a cat, with just a little water on my hands.
• I hate touching wet or sticky things. If I wash dishes by hand I have to get every morself of food off each dish before putting it in the water. Preferably with a utensil, not my hands.
• I dislike mixed textures in foods, especially crunchy in the midst of soft.
• I have a great aversion to strong tastes (onions, mustard) and chemical smells. Perfumes have NEVER smelled good to me, except ones made from pure essential oils.
• I compulsively bite the inside of my mouth
• Sometimes I have to shake my leg when sitting
• I can identify things by smell. I once smelled dry Cheerios from across a room.
• I get agitated in a crowded grocery store, feel like I'm going to run into people every few steps
• I hate things that tick or blink. I can't sleep if there is the faintest blinking or changing light in my room.
• I have difficulty with spatial reckoning. Run into walls a lot.
• I was terrified to learn to drive, and still get tense whenever I do. I feel like there's too many stimuli for me to concentrate and move in the right direction at the right time.
• I have always had a hard time calming down before sleep. Sometimes stimuli help me sleep, white noise like a fan, or even a favorite movie.
• Great difficulty learning new motor skills. I watched a coworker tie a slipknot at least ten times before I could do it. I could see how she moved her hands but couldn't imitate it.
• I've always had sloppy handwriting, thought this may be partly because I'm left-handed.
• I've always had a great aversion to sports and physical activities. I often refused to participate in school sports because I just knew I would mess up. I cried when I was 12 and my dad tried to get me to play billiards.
• I get left and right directions confused, I have to think about which hand I write with.
• I don't like making eye contact with strangers or acquaintances, or calling them by name.
• I get upset when I have to change plans. Even if the change should be amenable to me, I somehow feel like something has been ruined.
• I have an intense phobia of vomiting and feeling nauseous, and a long history of motion sickness and stomach upset.

These are the ones I can think of right now. More and more keeps coming back to me from childhood too, like how frustrated I used to get that I couldn't tie a braid with string, or perform other fine motor skills.

Does this seem like an abnormal number or severity of aversions to you?