SoScorpio, I say we are our own worst enemies trying to self diagnosis ourselves. You need a therapist to work things out. Don't give up, give in to help. And look outside of yourself for the answers to a professional. We are here for each other but we really are not qualified to diagnosis someone's symptoms. I encourage you to find a good therapist and also talk to your physician about all this. It will work out, just be patient and in the right time you will get the answers you seek. In the meantime just be good to yourself. Keep reading the forum threads and meet others here. We will help support you in your journey towards getting better. Blessings.