My therapist is a nice person but just too practical. I try to talk about important things and just come away from seeing her feeling empty. I know I can feel more than this because I had a therapist previously who I wanted to be my mother, the feelings were so strong.

I had it in my head she was fairly new at the game, and finally broached the subject to find out she's been at it 20 years. Funny and hideous all at the same time. All I could say was she doesn't look old enough!

I'm scared to change in case I get someone worse. At least she's a nice person, and I think she has tried to change things when we've discussed how I feel. I do get something out of seeing her. I've never discussed having suicidal feelings before and maybe over all the years of fantasising about what I wanted people's responses to be I've come to expect too much.

I think I know what I need to do. I like the system my group therapist uses so I need to see if she can recommend someone using the same system. Except my group therapist knows my individual and recommended her in the first place.

Positive things: I'm trying to deal with it in a grown up way (about time at 40), discussing it with my therapist and not just running away.
Negative things: I don't like it (that sounds pitiful!), and I'm not sure if or when I'm going to take the next step, but I need to decide.

Any comments or thoughts welcome.