My sister use to be my best friend. We did everything together. Even when she went away to college, I'd go spend weekends with her. Then she met her boyfriend. And I basically stopped existing. Considering the amount of time I spent supporting her when they broke up the first time. And then they got back together. And I supported that. Then they broke up and she was a mess and I was there for her. Then they got back together, they moved to Buffalo and I stopped existing again. I got my first gf and that seemed to put even more distance between my sister and I. Then I decided to move to Texas for grad school and she stopped speaking to me entirely. Saying it was horrible that I moved to Texas to get away from my family. Considering how horrible my family was, who could blame me?

After my psychotic break, I moved back home for recovery and eventually my sister and her fiance (same guy) moved in. And she acted like I was such a bother. They both avoided me like the plague, even though I was just severely mentally ill at that time. It amazes me how supporting, caring and there for her I was through her darkest times...but during my darkest hour she abandoned me. They moved to CT. Worst of all, after the night I almost committed suicide, my mother told me, "You chased your sister away, and I don't think I can ever forgive you."

So I get to see my sister and her fiance tomorrow. She hasn't spoken to me since...June. I made her and her fiance Christmas ornaments. The gifts I sent last year I never got a thank you or even an acknowledgement they were from me. But, its Christmas, and I still love them even though they hurt me emotionally. But I don't have very high expectations, and I hope no one except me to jump for joy when she can't bother to reply even with one word to my text messages. I actually like her fiance a lot better. He's a warm, nurturing caring person and why he puts up with my sister...? I'm a mild BPD, she is a severe BPD. And possibly bipolar but refuses to accept there's anything wrong with her, and doesn't seek treatment...though she harms herself and treats her fiance like crap. She uh...she treats most people like crap and has serious anger issues. So I guess I shouldn't feel like I'm set apart. But she's my parents favorite. They idolize her, and she can't really do anything wrong. Whereas I am the scapegoat for everything and face all the blame for family problems. Hence why she blamed me for chasing them away when they moved.

So yeah. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll be working on Sunday, since I have Saturday off. That would give me one day with them.