I have to leave or I will die. I will kill myself sure as I'm writing this. I can't take it anymore.

I am sneaking out, nobody knows about my plan or they will not let me go. I am paying rent where I live now and for the last 2 months I have been paying rent in another place. I'm moving my stuff slowly, quietly. I am not planning to leave any address or phone number behind me. No contact. And I'm never coming back. I'm closing the door and losing the key.

If I'm proud of what I'm doing? Not at all. I hate myself to the center of my very soul. I feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty for being alive. I have been teach to shut up, keep my feelings to myself, my feelings were not important, there was other things more important then this. I have learned very well. And still today my feelings are not important while I'm dying inside.

I don't know what will happen when I will be moved. I do not know if I will be ok or not and I do not care. I just know I have to go away.

Thank you for your caring.
nightdream