I would love for that to happen but it won't. I spent this year making an effort to repair our relationship and she slams the door in my face every time. She doesn't want me in her life and there's nothing I can do to make it better. She has to want for it to heal and she doesn't.

I can't comprehend this. Because we went to the same college, and after her bf graduated, she would come to my dorm room every weekend and sob on my shoulder. And I would comfort her. Consoled her whenever she thought she was irrationally going to die from cancer (she didn't have it and showed no signs of it, she just had this immense fear of getting cancer and would cry to me all the time about it). I have a psychotic break and can't function and she doesn't want anything to do with me.

She is a very complicated person. I'm complicated too, but I've been in therapy for years and work on myself all the time to get better, become more independent, and get my life back on track. No one in my family really acknowledges my progress. Or even celebrates my victories. No I'm not the most independent person, and maybe I never will be. But I'm trying, you know? When I was really ill, I got treated like I was the scum of the earth, a burden and a complete waste of space...not just by my sister but by everyone else in my family. I know its really hard to live with someone who is mentally ill. My parents are mentally ill and I've dealt with them my whole life, and endured a lot of scarring trauma that I need to work through. I get that. But its okay for them to have a mental illness, its not okay for me. It makes me the worst member of the family. I tried to get my parents help when I became more higher functioning but they just blew me off. I found that national mental health association and gave them the number telling them they have support groups for family members of the mentally ill. But they never called. I am always the problem. I was too gone for a few years to even realize I was being emotionally and mentally abused. Now that I'm out of the haze, I'm just...a little ticked. A little. I was mentally and emotionally abused my whole life, so I guess it wasn't a major change.

I'm sorry...I went off on a tangent that wasn't entirely about my sister. I guess I needed to vent. My family dynamics are, and have always been, extremely complicated and toxic.