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Originally Posted by lowinmood
sounds like he groomed you, being charming and helpful one minute, then raping you the next - he manipulated you.
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I often have felt the same way, that I was being manipulated. It's really confusing when someone is nice to you, seems to like you back, then takes advantage of you the next, and places blame on you. That is why I cannot bring myself to face him in court, other than it being a bit too late to do so.
But I think even in the friend stage--before all of this happened--that I liked him a lot, and mention of that would defeat any chances of him being prosecuted, on top of the immeasurable guilt I would feel for doing so. It's very conflicting and sick.
I'm not sure why I had even liked him. Maybe for being charming and sweet?
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Could you get therapy for this , as these things don't disappear overnight, the memories will always find a way to crop up now and again, and I guess with therapy it could help you process everything which may help in the long run.
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I've tried the therapy route, and it definitely helps to talk it out. But because of how things were between us, I feel there is no point when I still feel like it is "my fault," when it isn't. I'm not sure how to bring this up with a therapist.
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Originally Posted by starfruit504
You think that the details make you somehow culpable, but they don't. You didn't do anything wrong. Let me tell you something my guy friends always told me: No good guy glosses over consent. No good guy is comfortable having sex with a woman when there's a gray area. Any man who does isn't a good man and he's apt to become a rapist. Consent makes sex sexy.
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Maybe I'm trying to make sense of it, in denial, I'm not sure. The details seem important to me. Maybe I can find where I messed up and what I did to deserve it (the flirting part). But, logically, it doesn't make sense, and I know he was wrong. Even if I developed some type of feeling beforehand, and even if I flirted at all.[/QUOTE]
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Originally Posted by lowinmood
I agree Starfruit, you shouldn't have to handle this on your own, and could you cut ties with this guy, if you haven't done so already.
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I'll probably get set back up with therapy next week and begin to talk about it. This is the most I've ever disclosed of the situation, and it's liberating. Scary, but liberating. I don't mean to sound weird when I admitted the first part (feelings, ugh). And I hope no one finds me gross for it.
He still messages me, though I refuse to talk to him. He still wants us to be friends and whatnot, but I know better.
Thank you guys for your support. It means a lot.
