Well, I'm a 21 year old lesbian, and I'm still a virgin. And since I'm not someone who believes in saving myself for "the right person," I'm really not proud of this fact. All my friends are having/have had sex, or else they do have a "saving myself" mentality, so I don't have anyone I can really relate to or commiserate with.

It's really hard because, well, not only am I very horny (to be frank) but I'm beginning to feel like some kind of freak because I've gotten to be this old and I'm still so inexperienced. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I'd had a girlfriend or two in the past. But having never had sex OR a romantic relationship of any kind... well, like I said, I feel like a freak. Some of my straight friends tell me that it's not my fault, because I was sexually confused all throughout high school and so technically I've only been "on the prowl" since I came out. But it's been three years since I've been trying to get with a girl, and that excuse just doesn't hold up anymore for me. When I try to justify being a continually-single virgin at 21, I just end up ripping my self-esteem to shreds. It's got to be 'cause I'm horrifically undesirable, unpleasant to be around, etc. etc.

And I've tried to ignore this anxiety, just push forward with dating despite my inexperience, only it's really damaging to my confidence. When I start to like a girl and develop a physical attraction to her, I become very intimidated by her and unable to say anything or make a move. Which is extremely frustrating, because I've got to start somewhere after all. I don't know what I'll do if I'm still a virgin when I graduate next spring.

Has anybody else been in my position? How did you cope with it? I hate being so hung up about this. I know I won't have to deal with the physical frustration too much longer, since I'm going back to college in a few weeks where I have free gym access, and a good work-out generally takes care of that. But the emotional, intellectual frustration -- those three words "I'm a virgin" that keep creeping up in my head -- never goes away for too long.