Hi Jumpmaster.
I'm sorry to hear you have been going through a rough time. Although, I do not know the specs of your concerns.... just want to let you know that you are Def not alone. I believe many of us, me for certain, have driven ourselves to madness in some way or another over feeling " why can't I just be normal??!!" First off, it's good that you have music to soothe you. Distractions are great coping skills for when things get overwhelming. As for your question... Can / how do you learn....? There are many types of therapies, support groups, and self help books that with a true desire to change and hard work you can become more like the person you would like to be. Remember tho, the only things we can actually change are our behaviors and perspectives... everything else just take as it comes. Feelings are just feelings. They may seem to control you but just because they come around doesn't mean you have to entertain every single one with a 5 course meal! I'd if that made any sense.... but be kind to yourself. And maybe try to first love what makes you different instead of condemning it.... then seek out help to change the thoughts and behaviors that you find hurtful to yourself and others.. hope I helped some atleast... all I have to offer is my perspective...it is but one of billions. Goodluck!