All we have been able to do is crisis management because my life is in constant crisis. i asked him last time if in the 6 months that he has known me if there was a week in which there had not been some sort of crisis and he smiled and said that no, none really jumped out. And it's true. Not emotional meltdowns, although they are a side effect, but real crisis around me. Fact of my current existence. Unless i find a way to deal with that, and i have none, then that's what my sessions will be.

So then... i have to ask myself... is there a point to paying $140/hr to just put out fires every week? Sure, it feels a bit better, but is it effecting real change in my life? Nope. It can't.

i am really wondering about discontinuing temporarily... begin again if and when the rest of my life changes. i hate the thought at the same time... he is an anchor for me. Would i drift? Would the fires in fact be worse?

i am so confused.